The Day After His Divorce Is Final, Man Wins The Lottery And Celebrates With Cocaine And Hookers, Before Being Arrested.


Fountain Valley, CA- Former “Self-Employed” landscape artist Clyde Harper (32,) was watching the Wednesday night news to see if his numbers were winners in this weeks lotto. It was the night before his divorce was to be finalized and he was in a foul mood.

Clyde went to the fridge to grab a beer and sat back down and waited for the balls to drop. All his numbers were called! All of the sudden the divorce didn’t seem so bad and neither did the memory of catching his wife in bed with his brother. 2.5 Million dollars will make a lot of pains go away.

Harper threw a party for all his friends. “There were a couple dozen strippers and tons of blow”, said one party goer.

“That son of a bitch had to go ahead and win it big the day after we were officially divorced. That man was never anything but a headache. And now he’s got all that money”, said the former Mrs. Harper

Clyde was arrested after neighbors complained about the throngs of woman going in and out of his house. Reporters asked his what his thoughts were as he was being led to the back of a police cruiser, “I won! I finally won! That bitch can rot for all I care. Lock me up! I’m living my best life!”.

Stories like Clyde’s help keep the rest of us hopeful for the future.


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