Man Caught “Vigorously Attacking His Penis” Inside Of A Starbucks


Oxnard, CA- Lester McGovern (52) was picked up by Oxnard Police early this morning after calls began to come in from a local area Starbucks, with reports of a man watching videos on his laptop of Zebras having sex. Upon closer inspection, Lester McGovern had one hand on his laptop using the trackpad to play and pause, and the other hand was on his penis. “He had his hand up the leg of his shorts and was vigorously attacking his penis”, as described by one onlooker. Close up graphic footage of videos of Zebras in the wild and in captivity copulating, graced McGovern’s screen. At one point a white creamy stream of gooey liquid began to run down his leg and onto the floor, forming a puddle.

When asked by the manager to vacate the premisses, he began to aggravate his penis even more so, causing the majority of the patrons to flee the coffee shop. Police came in to defuse the situation and remove Lester. When they arrived he was in the process of cleaning himself off and packing up his laptop. Police had to side-step a sizable puddle of semen to place Lester under arrest. 

McGovern did not resist arrest, instead he made a voluntary statement waving his rights to remain silent, and told arresting officers this, “It has always been my fantasy to jack off to Zebras mating with each other while in a Starbucks. Getting arrested is just the price of doing business. Thanks y’all for the memories and I will be Jacking off to the thought of you guys cuffing me tonight and for many nights to come”.

Lester McGovern is sitting in Ventura County Jail where he awaits charges. He has been banned from every Starbucks on the planet.


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