Honolulu, HI – Newlyweds Sean and Caroline Wilson, from Costa Mesa California, were on their dream honeymoon in Hawaii having the time of their lives. Caroline was really loving the buffet the hotel offered and Sean couldn’t get enough of the WiFi so he could keep up with his buds online.
The couple spent 9 beautiful days and 10 nights in Hawaii. On the night before they were headed back to the mainland, Sean Wilson went missing during the night. Or did he? It seems after his team got beat in the most epic game of Call Of Duty ever, Sean was sobbing and Caroline new exactly what to do. She pulled him close and brought him in for his favorite “consolation prize”, her buxom body.
“Sean did this all the time. He would lose a game and I would have to spend the night consoling him with my melons and rocking him to sleep. I just don’t know where he went afterwards. I don’t know if he left the hotel after I fell asleep or what happened. Alls I remember is he was rapidly moving his free hand down below, so I thought things were going well.”, said Caroline. “But it’s not like him to go missing. That’s when I decided to file a missing person’s report with the Honolulu police.”
Sometime during the night in the middle of some intense consoling, and meat beating sessions, Sean must have left the room… right? Wrong. When Caroline Wilson was filling out a missing persons report, an eagle-eyed detective noticed an arm dangling between the bottom flapys of Caroline’s stomach. Turns out Sean had gotten wedged up underneath her belly and suffocated to death. “Mrs Wilson, being as large as she is, was completely unaware that her husband suffered a grueling death by asphyxiation underneath her supple belly”, Sgt. Frank Trafalgar.
Turns out that rapid moving Caroline was referring to, was not Sean jacking off, but it was him struggling to escape and get air. This has been ruled an accident by the medical examiner as the of evidence supporting any other theory is just not there. “We believed Mr. Wilson got his head lodged up under his wife’s belly while recovering from some sort of horrific loss earlier in the night. You would be surprised how well a belly can muffle the sounds and struggles of someone fighting to breathe. Ultimately the decedent was smothered to death underneath the weight and girth of Caroline’s belly”, Medical Examiner Dr. Gong. No charges will be sought by the Honolulu district attorney’s office.
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