Ruby Diamond (67), of Bakersfield California has been taken into police custody after calls came in from the local Walmart saying a woman was shitting in the self-checkout line. Reports from onlookers claim that while Ruby was checking herself out, the “please place item in bagging area” alert kept going off. After several failed attempts to successfully use the self-checkout, Ruby, from out of nowhere dropped her pants and shat directly onto the machine itself.
“Next thing I know is this woman is taking a dump right next to me ON THE SELF CHECKOUT MACHINE!!. I’m thinking “WTF?!” but with all the talk about poop in the media lately I guess it didn’t bother me too much”, a witness said.
Ruby started yelling “Someone better place an amber alert, because I’m about to shit all over this mother fucker!” And she started shitting, all over again. Authorities arrived to place the mass shitter under arrest. Police believe this may the be first of many “shit incidents” that are likely to take place.
“Shitting in anger is becoming ever more popular these days. Hopefully this does not get out of control”, Sgt. Gooding of Bakersfield P.D.
Ruby faces up to 3 years in prison if convicted on all charges.