Houston, TX- Larry Randolph was sick and tired of losing the annual chili cook off in his hometown of Houston. “My chili is just as good, if not better than everyone else’s, yet I feel the judges are holding a grudge against me and I don’t know why”, say Randolph.
Randolph aimed to fix this problem for the 2022 chili cook off. The night before the contest, with all the contestant’s chili pots simmering, Randolph opened and crushed close to 500 laxative tablets into his simmering in own chili pot. “I wasn’t gonna let these mother fuckers cheat me out of the blue ribbon again. In the middle of the night I took out my heavy duty turkey baster and sucked up as much of my “runny chili” as I could and I went to each of the other contestant’s simmering pots and then added my secret ingredient. I did this until I ran out of my ‘Special Chili'”.
The next day when the judges were starving (They tend to skip all meals the day of the contest). Somewhere around the 5th bowl of chili, the judges started getting sick one by one. First it was gas and burps followed later on by turds and diarrhea of their own.
Everyone was flabbergasted at what was going on. Suddenly the rest of the spectators got sick as well. Everyone who had eaten chili that day was blasting shit from their asses. All that is except Larry Randolph. His “Other” non-laxative, spiked chili was the only entry that didn’t make people shit themselves.
Larry sat back and enjoyed the festivities. “At that point, I didn’t care about winning any stinking blue ribbon. When I looked up on stage and saw shit running down their legs, I knew I had already won”. Although he may spend significant time in jail over this shitty scene, Larry will never forget the looks of horror on the faces of all those around him that fateful day.