Kelly Detwiler (28) of Simi Valley California has been arrested after a man called police saying his girlfriend ripped off and stole his penis during an argument. The man, Brad Hemming (29) went on to say that they had had an argument about him flirting with the waitress during dinner at a local restaurant, an accusation he denies. Kelly’s response was to glue her hand to his penis using Gorilla Glue and said, “I’ll always know what you’re doing with your dick now. Good luck, even thinking about cheating!”
As you can imagine the argument escalated when she brought out the glue. It was during the ensuing kerfuffle that Kelly yanked off his manhood and took off out the front door. Knowing it wouldn’t be wise to chase after her with his wound gushing blood, Brad called the police and asked for paramedics to rush over.
Several days passed before authorities caught up with Kelly. She was sleeping in her car at abandoned parking lot on the edge of the city. While being placed into custody officers noted that the penis in question was still glued to her hand all these days later. Seeing that the penis was a lost cause, they left it in her hand for examination back at the station. Kelly could not exercise her right to remain silent and or remain calm. She was subsequently placed in a straight jacket after several hours of incoherent ramblings and flailing around.
Brad had already been sewn up and was recovering at the hospital when he got the news that Kelly had been arrested, “I’m glad she was caught. I’m sad I lost my wiener. Doctors says I will experience a sensation known as ‘Phantom Penis’ where it will feel like it’s still there. The only bright side out of this whole mess is that I will be able to choose any prosthetic penis I want”, said a hopeful Brad.
Kelly is being held on aggravated assault and battery charges and will face a judge in the ensuing months at the Ventura County Courthouse. She faces up to 15 years in jail if convicted on all charges.