Man Who Would On Shit Whatever You Wanted For Money, Has Been Arrested After Shitting On Over 100 People’s Private Property

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Randy Cahill of Fountain Valley California has been arrested following a seemingly random spree of shitting on people’s private property. Turns out the locations where Cahill made a “deposit” were all prearranged with clients. Randy Cahill is in the revenge business and for $100 he would shit on a location of your choosing. The vast majority of his business surrounded disgruntled former lovers.

For a man living on the streets $100 can make a huge difference between eating and not eating for a week. Start stringing together 5, 6 or 7 shits a week and it be can life changing. More often than not Randy would shit on your Ex’s car, lawn or front porch. Every now and then he would eat taco bell first if the customer wanted a nice runny shit.

“Every time I turn on my cars heater, I can still smell his shit”– Victim of Randy’s who wished not to be identified

Unfortunately for Randy, he was caught on a Ring Camera blasting ass on the windshield of a cheating ex-boyfriend’s car as requested by his last client. After being taken into custody Randy had this to say, “One day I was shitting in an alleyway and a dude offered me some money to crap in a bag and put it on his former mother in law’s front stoop and that’s how it all started. I made $20 that day, but I soon realized I have a special skill and upped my price”.

“This is the first arrested I’ve made on a SHITMAN. I have a bad feeling that all the attention given this case locally and nationally, that it will inspire copycat shitters”, said arresting officer Jack Povitz. There are over 110 confirmed victims of Randy The Shitman For Hire. He will likely spend about a year in county jail and have a multitude of fines and restitution to pay.

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